19 Ways To Maintain a Healthy Insanity Level

  1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
  2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
  3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
  4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “In.”
  5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  6. In the memo field of all your cheques, write “For Smuggling Diamonds.”
  7. Finish all of your sentences with “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”
  8. Don’t use any punctuation.
  9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go to eat. Make sure you say this with a serious face.
  11. When you go through a Drive-Thru, specify that your order is “To Go.”
  12. Sing along at an opera.
  13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
  14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
  15. 5 days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
  16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name: “Rock Bottom.”
  17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream “I Won!, I Won!”
  18. When leaving a zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, “Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”
  19. Say to your children over dinner, “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”

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